Not Your Average African-American

It would be weird to say right now that I love my life.

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate it either. But when it comes to seeing people around school all the time…with…their significant other…just irks me. No, no, I’m not jealous of them. I mean, like really, some of them are really unattractive, eating face in the hallway when I pass by. And I’m sitting here going:

1) Get a room; and

2) Seriously, is there something wrong with me? To be honest with you, I find myself pretty. We all have our flaws; I know. But I try to look past those. I like the shape of my face, I love my nose, if I highlight my eyes a certain way they look gorgeous. And my hair is okay on most days. I love the way I giggle. I love the facial expressions I make. But do I see ugliness? Not at all…To be honest, I don’t think there is an ugly. There are certain degrees of pretty but there is no ugly. God didn’t make his creation ugly…not a bit of it.

…That was a long #2…

But like, when I guy looks at me, I’m sure he doesn’t see ugly. But hey, I’m sure he doesn’t see drop dead gorgeous either. And my personality isn’t shitty. Gosh. All the people I know think I have an amazing personality. So when you think about it, what’s wrong with me? I make people laugh. I’m not a bad flirt -.- lol.

But I walk around school everyday and see THE most unattractive girl with a hot guy. And her personality isn’t rad.

Okay, so maybe I just haven’t clicked with anyone…but honestly, why not? There are 1700 people at my school, 54% of them are boys. I mean, really?!?!?!?! Someone will flirt with me for a couple weeks and then forget I exist. It sort of pisses me off. And another thing…

I am seriously in like with someone who, well to be honest, probably wont ever like me….Maybe I’m not his type. Who has types anyway? That’s so effed up. I don’t have a damn type.

I think its stupid…being in love with a guy who can’t stand me…STILL. And not having anyone to like me back.

What the fucks wrong with the world?

Why do I always flip out on people…especially like….Sean.

Okay, yeah, anyone who breaks my heart is an idiot but I don’t have to totally flip out on him. I’m pretty sure he’ll never talk to me again.

But anyway,…school is better…I guess. Ha, I almost died yesterday when Gwen didn’t show up at school. I had no one to laugh with. I’m sure people noticed too. I mean, really, what do you expect me to do when one of my best friends (and the only one at OHS) doesn’t show up? Seriously a bad day. But she was back today…of course. and we could laugh at stupidness together.

Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance video came out today…It’s freaking amazing! And when I say amazing, I like, really do mean, amazing!!! Like epic! Like, no-one-is-ever-going-to-be-as-amazing-as-she-is, type of amazing! When I have better internet than the crappy library internet, I’ll post it on here.

Sigh….

I’m alone

While my homies have a movie day.

What have I gotten myself into…

Being grounded.

Crap….

I’m a busy bitch… XD

But…I will update you :)

1. I am in English right now. (Ohhh, fun)

2. I…think I like someone. But something about the situation I don’t really agree with :/

3. I snuck out to go to fall festival last Sunday. And I am grounded until Christmas break. It’s not that bad. Lol, I actually don’t care that much.

4. My grandma and sister don’t change a bit…seiously. >:/ it makes me angry.

5. I still talk to Sean every once in a while. He’s tolerable. And still incredibly adorable.

6. Sometimes Levi is a dork, but he’s still my best friend. lol and I love ‘em

7. I can’t wait to go to Wilmington for Christmas :D

You know, I should focus….buh-bye <3

This has been Norissa Dottin aaaaand,

I FLIPPA DIPPIN’ HEART YOU!

1. I am currently on fall break.

2. School is not going awesome.

3. I have super bad cramps and have not eaten in about 36 hours because I’m afraid I’ll throw it up, thus resulting in hunger pains. I can’t even sniff anything that edible or not edible, I’ll gag. *Sometimes I hate being a girl!…SOMETIMES*

4. I am over the person I referred to as Sean Deegan. I don’t even know him…wait, who are we talking about? Shawn Degone? Who?!

5. I am falling for someone I would have never thought that I would fall for. :) I think he’s amazing. He’s so sweeeet.

6. My family and I seriously don’t get along…at all. But really? what’s new there?

7. I’m grounded due to some very retarded rule made up by my grandmother. And I’m not too happy about it.

8. I’m finally allowed to talk to Levi again; so if I get busier you’ll know its because I get to hang out with my homies again :)

9. My Facebook and Myspace only have 10-11 friends, because I decided I don’t need a bunch of useless ones watching everything I do, and who don’t care.

10. My bff is pregnant. And I’m the godmother :) !

Ha, Alexis Edwards is dumb. (She just saw this, by the way. It’s pretty funny) And the “ignert” spelling error was done on purpose…lmao

I’m supposed to be doing crap about Japan right now in 1st block Professional English. But I really can’t focus. And I haven’t updated in forever. So I guess I’ll tell you about the past…month, I think it’s been.

Well, you know, I started school on the 12th of August and about on the 17th, I got home and started to do some homework. It was a Monday. I had already changed outta my uniform but I had let Jasmine wear my tighter uniform pants. She took them off. (By the way, they were frayed at the bottom. I had cut the bottom because gramma took them up and they looked retarded.) So naturally, grandma freaked out. She came over and asked me about them. I started to answer and she smacked me. I stood up out of the chair, a little shocked. She hit me again, about 5 more times. And I started to get pissed.  And she grabbed me around the neck and started to choke/shake me. I GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

I went to Ms. Castleberg’s house. And on the weekend went to stay with Gramma. (Yuck) Child Services got involved. And now they don’t even call me anymore. Like I vanised off the face of the freaking earth in their world. Kinda rude…

They put me back at Grandma’s so now I’m there ALL THE TIME. I’d rather not be. But I’m spending Christmas in Wilmington for two weeks. 1) So I can see Jonathan before he goes to the Navy in February. 2) To see Kristina because I just found out that she is pregnant! And I’m the god-mother! (She’s due May 23rd, 2010) and 3) Because I think that maybe I can meet up with Sean while I am there. That would be nice.

Speaking of Sean…I got my webcam back…And I told him about it. And he seemed excited. And then he didn’t even log on. Didn’t even talk to me for the rest of the night. Sometimes I honest to the good Lord Jesus, hate that he hates me. And you may think I’m overexaggerating. But I really do feel like he hates me. And when you love someone as much as I love him, hate isn’t really a good feeling…. :( At all.

Gwen is my new friendddd. She’s cool. But I can’t talk to her outside of school because her stepdad…or whoever, is pretty strict. It sucks. I miss Levi bunches. And I miss hanging out with Breanna, and Katie…and Trent, and Morgan. ::Sigh::

Oh and P.S. School is not going too awesome…I hate school. I’ve still got senioritis…BAD senioritis…Ha.

My tummy just randomly started hurting… O.O I don’t know whyyyy! I feel like I’m gonna throw up a little. I might next block (We’re freaking disecting our cats. We skinned them a week ago) Talk about freaking NASTY.

More random facts about the past month:

1) Sean dyed his hair red. (And at the end of October, he’s going blond)

2) I still do not have a job.

3) My 17th birthday brought in 210 dollars.

4) 150 of those dollars are gone… XD

5) We have a Wiiiiii :D

I will see you later. The bells about to ring soon. I’ll post more often. Promise? Okay?…

Byeeee

Oops, for one, because I have not posted in ages.

And oops for two, because I can’t post now. The bell just rang and I gots to go to art.

Lol….

Well, I can’t post now…

I have to go to Art… :D

Gwen is a pancake raawwwrrrr.

Is that better? I’m such a hypocrite. lol I told my self last time that I would date my entries…I’ll start now.

Well…….on Wednesday, I called Sean up. And we’re going to just be friends. Which, really, honestly, sucks, but right now I’m going through a lot. And all my relationships are being complicated. Friendships, family, boyfriend-ish kind of things…

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I…well, in all honesty, I’m still in love with him. I think about that dude every stinking day. But the distance…

If only Pennslyvania and Tennessee were somehow, magically, connected… :D That’d be the day.

Lol, I have to start dating my entries; because for some reason it doesnt record it on its own. :)

I feel so much better. Lol, after school on the bus, we were all sitting up on top of the seats and falling off when he made a sharp turn or slammed on the breaks. I was cracking up so much. That will probably be the best ride of my senior year on that freaking cheese box. It was so much fun.

Art class at school is great too. Thanks to Ms. Mac I am really starting to like John Mayer. I mean, like, really. His music is so peaceful. And I’ve got a pretty rad friend in art class too. Her name is Gwen. We both like anime and manga and she’s pretty cool. I eat luch with her and her two friends Racheal and Derek. We pretty much crack up the entire time…But I miss Levi and Breanna and Katie and Trent. That was a freaking group, man, and we’ve fallen apart >< I hate that.

And as for Sean…I’m asking for guidance right now. I really don’t know what to do; but I feel like he doesn’t care about me anymore…at all. I’m serious. He’s going go have to prove to me….

Anyway, I surrendered my life to Jesus again last night. I’m going to try as hard as I can to change the way I feel about God….I need to.